Winning in the Game of Life

While normally I like to take a few minutes to infuse my own view on a topic or issue that we as a school or society are facing, this time I am going to let the words of others speak for themselves. Besides, the message is outstanding and I could not say it any better. One point that I would like to make or add to this, is that while these both relate to sports the real message is true in any and all aspects of life.  Maybe not everyone can always be the winner or the winning team in sports, but everyone can be Victorious in life!

The first one is a Facebook Post that I saw regarding a sign in the locker-room: (sorry about the size)

The next article goes right along with this and is called, "I am a Coaches Wife"  By Renae Zimmer 

This article was originally posted on Her View From Home.

I am a coach’s wife. I signed up for it, back when we were young and stupid and didn’t have a penny to our name. I said yes to an awesome guy and yes to being a coach’s wife.
I love sports, that is the beauty. I can follow my husband’s job and cheer on his team. I’m invested.

Some of the disadvantages, however, are seeing the struggles of coaches these days from all levels, but on the high school level, it can be brutal. We have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in the past 20 plus years.
Don’t get me wrong, there are many rewards, too. The student-athletes are the best reward. More often than not, there is a bond with them. Not their best friend, they have enough friends, but a mutual respect. There is also the friendship with other coaches and their wives and families. That is the most rewarding for me. Coaches and coaches wives we have met over the years are the best people we know.
Friends for life.

I see the dedication and hard work from my husband and other coaches as well. The time commitment is daunting and tedious. Up at 5:00 a.m., to work by 7:15 a.m. (oh yes, because he teaches all day too). Practice until 6:00 p.m then game film, game break downs, planning and prep work. Then wake up and do it over again. Don’t forget game nights and traveling to a large city, two or three hours away. Weeknights he is home at midnight or later then he turns around to go back the next day.
Exhausting. Rewarding. Exhausting.
No one really comprehends the time. A coach’s wife does.
I rarely hear him complain because of his love of the student-athlete relationship and his love of the sport.

As parents we all want the best for our kids. To be the absolute best. It is tough when they don’t get the playing time, or the position we think they should have. I have been there watching my kids. Sometimes even knowing they may not be the most talented on the field, but darn it, they are working hard and have a good attitude, shouldn’t that count for something? Sometimes not. Welcome to life.
Although we may think we know what is best for our athlete, we don’t. The coaches do. They are the ones, day in and day out in practice who know what is best for the team. Yes—I said team. Not your kid or two kids put together, but a team as a whole. Welcome to reality.
I think we have seen a break down in that trust of a coach in the last few years. That is my opinion. Coaches weren’t hired to make one individual kid shine like a diamond and get all the accolades, their job is to build a team and a strong foundation for success.
To be clear, I don’t feel every parent that complains wants a coach fired. There are some supportive and awesome parents out there. I am just saying, from my perspective and living through certain coaching storms with my husband, the coaching culture has changed drastically. And, I don’t think it is getting better.

Why is that? Why the extra stress. I blame youth sports. It is out of control. Youth sports should provide a solid foundation for learning and skills for the student athlete, but I also feel that it has caused our crazed-sports minded culture to go off tilt of reality. Certain parent egos are out of control. Reliving the glory days vicariously through our kids can be detrimental.
I hear time and time again, “These kids are going to be so awesome when they are in high school, they will be state champions.” Or this one, “That kid is huge, he will be awesome in high school, Division I for sure.” Whoa people, let’s pump the breaks just a bit. I have been guilty of all of the above, but I have had to take a reality check and say, “Oh my goodness, really people? This kid is in 6th grade.” We are setting huge expectations for them already. Setting them up for failure.

I think it is good to have goals and dreams for your child, but I feel we must align those goals with what our child wants. Clear communication between parent and child are key. I have found that parents may be upset with a coach and in reality the athlete is perfectly happy with their role.

I also think the biggest mistake parents make when they think their kid is a superstar, is pumping their student athlete up early to be the star. Let’s focus on being a good person, too. A person that a teacher would want to teach, and a Sunday School teacher would want in their classroom. And, let’s not forget grades.
Maybe that Division I scholarship is not in the cards for your child. Let’s be darn sure our kids are focusing on school, good study habits and good grades. And did I mention, being a good person? As parents, we want our kids to be focused on being a good teammate and to be supportive, too.

The one thing I am most proud of with my husband as a coach is his integrity. He is a really good guy. A good husband, father and educator. And a good coach. I know my husband has the respect of his students. I am proud of that, too.
Being a good person and a good family man goes a long way in this world. Well, it should. Sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, when we get lost in the wins and losses and stats and not the kind of person that is coaching your kid, then we are in trouble. That, sometimes, sadly—is life.

The worst thing for a parent is to question everything a coach is doing. Years ago, my husband was coaching a young man whose parents insisted on watching game film after every game. The dad would pick-a-part calls, the officials, the teammates and his own child. It just messed with this kid’s head. Really. By the time the kid hit the floor, he didn’t know who to listen to or what to focus on. Mentally, he was a wreck. Dad chirping in his ear that he was the rock-star of the team and should be making all the plays and the coaches setting up a solid foundation for a team.

Parents, (and you know who you are) let the coaches coach. Be positive, be encouraging. This is your kid’s experience not yours.
It is darn hard to watch your kid not get the accolades or playing time, but let’s be sure to set them up for a solid foundation in life and not fight their battles. Let’s focus on teaching them to be a good teammate of life.

Trophy Nation "Doing more harm than Good?"

Recently, I was flipping through the channels not really intent on watching anything specific when I came across and episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.  Now, what made this interesting was that the segment was on a topic that I think our society and our educational system has struggled with for many years and quite frankly is getting wrong!  The discussion centered on the practice of every kid getting a trophy simply for signing up regardless of effort or performance.  While this practice seems harmless and started with the best of intentions it has in fact reached a point of doing more harm than good.

We all know that a healthy self-esteem is an important part of growing up and being successful.  In fact, it is very hard to be successful without it, however, it is important to understand that a false self esteem can be extremely harmful.  Telling students and children that they are great no matter what they do can lead to a false sense of superiority and ability that is not realistic in the so called "real world".  In the piece several studies and renown psychologists discussed why this is true to the point that one researcher even explained how this false praise can impact the physical function of the brain that will impact a persons ability to problem solve and overcome obstacles.  For example, in recent studies the majority of college students reportedly feel that they are of superior intelligence to there peers and past generations even though their academic performance is lower and decreasing.  The majority of college students feel that they should receive at least a B just for showing up to class! The piece also discusses how these same students "freak out" and "fall apart" when they receive a C for a grade and instead of looking at how to get better they blame the professor for not liking them or not being fair. Why not, they have always got an A for showing up so it cannot be that they are not good enough but it has to be the other persons fault! Employers continually discuss the issue of young adults(college graduates) quitting jobs after a couple days because they are told they are doing something wrong and not being able to accept constructive criticism. Studies also show that kids that are praised no matter what are less engaged and give up easier.  "If we are not keeping score and I can get a trophy the same as the child that works hard why do I need to practice or try harder?"  What is the reward or motivation for working hard and not giving up?  This is especially true in cases where athletes did not even have to come to the games to get a trophy, just sign up!

I think this really caught my attention not only as an educator but also as a parent of a 5 year old.  As a parent, I have just finished up coaching my son's T-ball team and got to witness this first hand. Every kid got to bat, no score was kept, batters could only go one base at a time, and batter got to run the bases even if they were out.  I am not saying that all of this is bad or wrong!  However, what I observed was that the players quickly lost interest, beyond that of a normal 5 year old behavior. Players that started off hitting the ball the furthest and running the fastest no longer cared about doing either.  Why?  It did not matter because they got the same result if they hit it 2 feet or a 100 feet. Whether they ran fast or walked the result was the same.  So as the coaches, my brother and I, decided to let our players take an extra base if they hit the ball further, in other words they could get a double if they earned it.  What we saw was an increased effort and focus.  The players started running faster, hitting the ball further, and paying attention because they may get to go more than one base.

Now, let me clarify that I am not against having fun and encouraging young children and by no means do I suggest that we have to yell and scream and play to win no matter what.  I also do not think it is bad or a problem to give a 5 year old a medal for participation but, to give a 19 year old a trophy for signing up is not appropriate. We need to find a balance!  It does not have to be all one or the other! Also, I am saying that competition is human nature and can be healthy.  Competition is what motivates all of us to get better, no matter the age.  Instead of rewarding students with a trophy for signing up, a 17th place ribbon, or a B in class for just showing up . We need to praise them for effort, for getting better, and not giving up.  Instead of telling them they are as good of a baseball player as the kid that just beat them 20 to nothing or that their paragraph is as good as a 5 page paper we need to take the time to talk to them.  We need to explain that while they are not as good or did not do as good right now that it is okay and that they if they want to be as good they can be but they just need to practice or try harder.  We need to build a positive self-esteem that is based on accomplishment and hard work, not entitlement.  Confidence comes from overcoming obstacles and proving to yourself that you can do it.  Like the old saying, "money earned is much sweeter that money won".  Lets challenge our children, let them learn what it means to lose, and then help them overcome and feel good about themselves through hard work and accomplishment.

If you are interested, here is a link to the trailer for the segment of Real Sports that I refer to.  Real Sports Trophy Nation

New Marquee

If you are one of the many people that travel Crystal Road each day you may have noticed a new feature at Vestaburg Community Schools.  Yes, that is right we now have an electronic marquee! However, before you say, "how did they pay for that?" let me explain that it was all done through the hard work of a dedicated individual, Mrs. Kate Bissell, and the generosity of our community through the Community Foundation and the community box-top donations.  Mrs. Bissell was the primary driving force for this project seeking out donations and working with the sign company to design the new marquee.  As part of this project, the Community Foundation also stepped up and supported the project with a sizable donation.  Thus, I would like to offer our sincere gratitude for this great gift!

While the new marquee looks nice with our updated logo and a modern feel it is our intention that it will be a great communication tool for our school district and our entire community.  We envision being able to communicate upcoming school and community events to the entire community on a regular basis.  The ease and efficiency of changing the message will allow us to update daily providing instant communication to our community, something the old marquee did not allow us to do.  Furthermore, this just continues our mission to continue to improve communication with our students, parents, and community.  This along with the social media tools and the automated calling system that have been implemented in the past year will hopefully make it so that everyone can stay informed.  It is my goal that we get to a point where everyone receives so much communication that they say, "gee whiz, this is is the 3rd or 4th time that I have been told about this" instead of  "I never heard or seen that".

So with all of that said, on behalf of Vestaburg Community Schools, Thank you Mrs. Bissell, The Community Foundation, everyone that donated box-tops, and the VCS maintenance and technology departments for all of your hard work and generosity in making this project happen.  Once again it is one more reason we should all have pride in our school and our community and say proudly, WE ARE VESTABURG!

Seniors and Graduation

As another graduating classes prepares to walk across the stage and begin a new chapter in their lives I am always brought back to a time and experience in my career when an unthinkable tragedy occurred taking the life one of my students and leaving two others in a wheelchair for the rest of theirs.  To say that this was a difficult time does not do justice to the overwhelming sadness that was felt by the entire community.  A time of celebration became a time of mourning.  As difficult as it is to remember it is my hope that by sharing this story that it may make a difference in another young persons life.  The message that I am trying to convey too both parents and students is that graduation does not make you invincible.

Yes, this is a time of celebration.  However, one bad choice by one person can change that and make it a time of indescribable sadness.  No one ever thinks this is going to happen to them but as many have learned the hard way it can happen to anyone.  Parents, though your student may be 18 and considered an adult by law, it is still okay to make sure you know what they are doing and where they are at! Please do not condone drinking or dangerous activities with your child or anyone else's. Students, please think ahead and make plans so that you do not find yourself in a bad situation.  Lastly, please know that this is written from the heart and care for each and every one of you!  This is just the beginning of the rest of your life and you have so many great things to accomplish!  You are and will always BE VESTABURG!

With that said, here are few words of wisdom:

As you start your life after school remember that you will encounter difficulties and struggles, however, remember these 3 principles and you will prosper:

1. Own your mistakes. Do not blame others but rather figure out how to get better and not make the same mistake twice.
2. Act with Honor. Honor is not being perfect and always being right. Honor is owning your actions and doing    what is right because it is right not because of what you have to gain.  There are consequences for doing the right thing...that is why it takes honor and courage to do the right thing. Remember courage is not the   absence of fear but rather overcoming it.
3. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Always put your best out there without excuses. Truth is nobody    cares about excuses and they are a waste of time. Use your time to fix the issue not make excuses.

And lastly, if you ever find yourself struggling and in need of a friend always know that you have a home and friends here at VHS that love and care about you. Good luck, god bless, and make us proud.

May Power of One and PAC Award Recipient.

This month the Vestaburg Board of Education recognized Bill Bloomfield, Barb Alexander, and Connie Marshall with the May Power of One Award.  These individuals have voluntarily stepped up and gone above and beyond helping with administering the new online M-STEP Assessments. This was a new test and process for all of us and their help administering the test has been invaluable! Thank you and Congratulations!

I would also like to issue a sincere congratulations to Mrs. Tonya Deverney for receiving a Parent Advisory Council (PAC) "Making a Difference" award.  Mrs. Deverney is the Vestaburg School Social Worker and has done an absolutely fantastic job working with the students.  This award is given by the Montcalm Area Intermediate School District Parent Advisory Council to school employees that demonstrate outstanding performance and make a difference!  Congratulations Tonya!

Social Media from School Administrators perspective

Well all use it!  Whether it is to gain knowledge, see what others are doing, or venting we all have Facebook accounts and Twitter pages.  They are full of interesting posts that are funny, sad, and even informative.  However, from my professional experience and point of view life was a lot simpler before these applications became a part of our everyday activities.  It appears to me that while there are benefits of social media one of the biggest negatives is that society has lost its ability to communicate and to problem solve. This is especially true of many of our young people.

Instead of sitting down and discussing things and working through conflict we go to a computer screen and start typing.  Too many times we hit the send button while we are consumed with emotion and without thought of what or how the message we are sending may be percieved or the fact it may be something that 400 people should not know about you.  We rant about people and issues that in many cases should be private but it is so easy to post and then have a bunch of random people hit like or make a comment about the post providing us with a false sense of support.  Maybe it is just me but I still believe that one real hug or phone call from someone with genuine concern beats 1,000 likes.  Yes, it is easy to go on and hit like and to read a 3 or 4 sentence post about something and assume that it is factual or the truth and agree or make a negative comment.  However, the next time you go to post and then look to see how many likes you get remember all of the half hearted likes you have clicked before you get to excited.  Better yet, think about all the posts that you have read and thought to yourself why is someone making this public or that is not true before you hit send.  Take the time to learn the facts and the whole story before commenting.  Maybe try waiting 24 hrs before posting anything personal or negative and see if once the emotion has passed if you still feel the same way.  Remember nothing beats personal communication and sometimes less is more.

Lastly, as a school administrator when it comes to school business I encourage you take the time to talk to a teacher or make an appointment to sit down with myself or another administrator to find out all of the information and reasons behind things.  Yes, we all make mistakes and can always strive to do better but there is not bad intent and there are many layers behind even the littlest decision or issue.  We hold parent and community update meetings atleast 4 times a year to go over programs and to answer questions.  Please take advantage of these events and/or schedule a seperate time to meet as we have an open door policy.  While it is impossible for everyone to agree or come to a consensus all the time, atleast we can come to a position that is based on facts and mutual respect.

April's Power of One Recipient

Congratulations to this Month's Power of One Award winner, Ken Tiesworth.

Ken is Vestaburg Community School's Technology Supervisor and Technician.  While most of his work his behind the scenes it is absolutely essential to the daily activities and lessons.  The life a a technology director is that if you are not seeing him or hearing about them then they are doing their job!  While this is true, for Ken it is only half of the story!  Whenever there is a problem Ken is there to take care of it in a very quick and timely fashion.  He does not ask for praise or expect recognition, he just works hard and takes care of business.  Recently, he has done an outstanding job of preparing for the new M-STEP assessments that are being held online for the first time.  We are currently two weeks into the testing and we have had very little to no issues due to his outstanding work.  Ken is a true team player and we are very fortunate to have him at Vestaburg Community Schools.

Congratulations Ken and Thank You for all that you do!